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Why I don’t go to “church”.

To make this completely straightforward, I actually “go” to a “church” nearly every Sunday, and play guitar (and occasionally sing…) for a Fourth and Fifth grade section of the childrens ministry. I do not, however, attend church services. The last time I did, it was on a whim after we got done playing for the childrens service, but that was about a year ago.

So, why don’t I go?

Because it makes me angry. Not for the reasons you’d think. I don’t get angry because of empty words being sung (full of heart, to be sure, but still… empty). I don’t get angry because the lights, the sound, or the graphics (the natural inclination of my generation is to enjoy them, as long as I don’t think about the cost). I don’t get angry at the message of self-betterment. I don’t get angry at the massive was of space and energy represented in “church” buildings.

No, I get angry at myself. I get angry because when I think through the things I mentioned in the last paragraph, I realize I’m a hypocrite.

I put out empty words.

I waste money.

I think towards the betterment of myself more than others.

I waste my own space (I have both a spare bedroom and a couch, I’ve never had anyone but friends stay in them). I am a terrible waste of energy, with my truck (the lease ends in a few months, then it’s gone), my plamsa tv, and the list goes on.

Socratic thought would remind me to better myself only for the betterment of others, I need to channel that more.

That’s all, no commenting required (though it is optional), you’re probably only going to say “Yeah, we all need to work on that.” Of course we do.

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This entry was posted Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 at 10:27 am and is filed under church, failure, life. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • Thanks for the blog. I've been reading some of your entries. The question of church is a hard one. My family and I used to live in Atlanta, and we found a wonderful church there (Collins Memorial United Methodist on Bolton Road). It was a tiny, dying church, but the minister and the people who worship there were the kindest, most loving and giving Christians I've ever encountered. No light shows, no graphics, but honest love of neighbor, concern for people who need food or friendship or kindness. I love that church. We moved to a new city, and we haven't found a new church that gives me that same sense of purpose and compassion and God's love for his creation. I've fallen into some terrible sins - not as a result of not finding a church; it's my own fault entirely, but I do think that a community, a place of being accepted where I am and not condemned would help. I think everyone needs some of that, and some accountability when we're just plain wrong, as I am in my life right now. There's no great point here, and I can't offer any advice, but I wish you well and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I hope you find a community in which you can keep seeking God's love. I hope that for me too.
  • Tristan
    I know this is pretty after the fact, but this is one of the reasons I like the church that Jared and I attend. It started as a prayer meeting for a woman with cancer that kinda blossomed into a weekly meeting. We meet on Thursdays at someone's house and there is food and music and preaching. then we go home and the space returns to another useful purpose: a home. Which is kinda what a church is supposed to be. I like that our "church" doesn't fit in the normal parameters of what a church is today. Our church is made up mostly of felons who at some point had hits out for each other (they're an intense group!) but now come together in love to grow in the Lord. It's pretty awesome to have so many people who have been rejected by the modern church find a place to grow and be accepted.
  • Jonathan
    I agree Matt, however is this not a good reason to live in community? Tim Keller talks a lot about the individual nature of Salvation, but he also stresses the importance of communal sanctification. Are all churches he same? Absolutely not. I spent the past two years in a dead church. When I say dead church, I mean dead. What the leadership of that church did to my family was a better argument for getting rid of the church altogether than any I have ever heard. I was contented for a while to listen to online sermons Sunday mornings rather than try to find another church; however, that introspection you talk about came with the realization that those good reasons for staying away were keeping me from the community I needed. If you feel that God is not calling you to be in a particular church, seek his will in finding a better one. I am now attending Atlanta Westside Presbyterian (off of Howell Mill, a haul to be sure - but worth it), and God has used it to heal many of my Church-related wounds. The problem with the Church is that it is made up of Christians, if we get rid of the church we still have the same root problem: us. Finding a Church that is honest and aware of these issues is a difficult task, but they do exist! If you feel that you cannot be an instrument of radical change in a church that is content with where it is, you are hurting yourself being in that environment. I hope this isn't coming across as preachy, but rather out of concern that you are passing up great opportunities for growth.
    so, was it really 13, or just a look alike?
  • The idea of attending another church has certainly been nagging in my brain lately, and I'm pretty sure that I should join in community with one somewhere. The questions I'm running through are where, which one, what does community with a church look like. I know of a couple churches i'd love to attend, and already have a small form of community with some members, the problem with one is distance, and the other is timing. I do have community with some of the people at the church I currently play at, and that's another consideration I have to take into account.
    And no, it wasn't Thirteen, maybe her little sister though, they looked so alike it was scary.
  • Jim Scott
    Interesting. So, you are not angry about the "empty" music and "words"? Sounds like it to me. Why is it "empty"? Was it empty to the person who wrote it? I doubt it. And, how about the waste of space? Is it wasted? On whom? Those attending the services and recieving blessinngs from them don't think so, even if you do. And the lights and show...someone designed it and worked on it for others to enjoy...hummmmmmm! And all those "words" you are NOT angry at from the pupit...even if they ring shallow to you how is it that are shallow to the person next to you...you assume too much I think.
    As for the other...it is good that you look inwards as we all should removing the log from our own eye...good job!
  • I'm admitting I do get angry at such things, but my anger turns to an introspective disappointment ere long.

    As for the latter parts of your comment, I think the shift between protestant/high church causes some confusion here. When I'm talking of waste of space, I'm pointing to monday through saturday when these buildings sit empty, this isn't a catholic church where AA meetings are held, or soup kitchens are put together, these buildings sit Idle, unless another CHURCH MEMBER wants to use them, or another PAYING ENTITY. I'm not saying the space is wasted during services, instead it's wasted while services are NOT going on. These are not the small chapels, these are multi-million dollar buildings, wasted at best 5 days of the week.

    As for empty words, we're not talking high liturgies, where the authors have spent time in reflection on these words, instead we have songs intent upon creating an emotional reaction in the listener.

    The lights, again, simply to illicit an emotional response. A momentary flame meaningless in the full strand of a life.

  • “Yeah, we all need to work on that.” Of course we do.

    Yea, sure. But so does everyone. Always. Hence that convoluted passage from St Paul about "I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do".

    But all that angst isn't good for you. That's what justification is all about, isn't it?
  • Derek F.
    Yeah, we all need to work on that.
  • Hi - Great post. I actually think you're probably more honest and have a better grip on your spiritual life than many Christians who attend every week. I'm really impressed by your realism about how the gospel is really lived out. But, as always, the hard part of actually doing it still remains. But you're off to a good start!

    Lisa
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